Another day, another €

Aspiring World Domination, we have succesfully acquired a small but loyal group of followers... a flock of faithful and obedient sheep. Lambs... to the slaughter. Whatever. We can however not build an evil empire without sufficient fundings. As most monetary institutions have yet to succumb to our dominion, we are still expected to raise our funds the convential way. Earn it? Blasphemous be your insolence! Heed our warning and repent!

Today, we are forced to perform acts of marketable interest in exchange for monetary gain. Despicable! Alas, where would we be without the commodities of an evil lair, an acceptable mode of transportation, ample nutritionous substances and the needed digital entertainment.

A man of our stature, however, wouldn't be caught dead in an entry-level position. We would kill, maim and quarter any and all that would stand in our way. How dare they consider themselves peers. Blasphemy!

When we were confronted with the denial of our inevitable promotion, we remained with the only alternative: Raise Hell! That's when we wrote the following e-mail to the entire chain of command. Oh yes, one big happy family, how dare they not live up to our expectations.


My fellow XXXs,

With just about 4 years of operational SXXXX experience, I think that most of my superiors know and appreciate the quality of my work and the effort I put into raising morale and team-spirit.
Last month I posted for the position of European Business Support Coordinator. I had my interview and had a good feeling about my chances for success.
I inquired about a possible decision a little more than a week later, but no decision had been made.
Yesterday, almost 4 weeks after my interview, I made a follow-up inquiry, only to learn that I am quite capable of filling the position, but that my candidacy had been rejected on grounds of uncertainty that I would “fit” into the team.
So…
I have waited, both patiently and impatiently, for just under a month to hear something that I’d like to sarcastically translate into:” Ex, you’re a rectum, we’d rather not have you on “our” team.”
I honestly don’t know how this “team” within THE team (we’re all on the same team, right?) came to this conclusion. I do however know that my direct superiors haven’t been contacted to transfer their thoughts about my persona.
I know I can appear a bit cocky sometimes, but that’s just a protective façade. All previous statements about my insatiable hunger for world domination should be looked upon with humour. I would have settled for a position of EBSC, for now. I have given myself another 20 years to achieve my greater goals.
After thoughtful consideration I have decided that a team that rejects me (without proper reason) is a team that doesn’t deserve me.

Go team!

Sincerely,

Ex Aequo

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...

Sitting in our own office, 2 floors up within the proverbial Ivory Tower, we look down upon the masses, constantly suppressing our evil laughter.

What? Are we still supposed to fetch our own cup of caffein?

Now,... If you'll excuse us, we have an important e-mail to write.

Sitting on our throne we have decided to spend what is left of today, acting busy. Note to self: Buy nuts.

Ex Aequo